Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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