I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
