Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
