grandma shit on top of the toilet
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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