everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
