big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
