yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
