sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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