she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
