At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
