I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
