it's not cheating when I paid for it
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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