I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
