Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
