So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
