I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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