Need sex. Gaining weight.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Randomize
