yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
