Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
