I like my sex mixed with concussions.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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