i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
