Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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