Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
