chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
