I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
