dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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