No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
