Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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