We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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