So drunk its hurt
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Randomize
