I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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