Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
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