i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
