i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
