The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
