I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
