Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
