We should be called the Road Head Warriors
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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