life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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