May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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