I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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