what if every blade of grass was a penis?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
