Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Drunk is a universal language darling
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
