remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
