i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
