my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
