the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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