I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
