I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
