So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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