We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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