he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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